The Hunger

The pain....it floors me sometimes, and I find myself quivering on my knees, pleading for it to pass. It feels like there are a million needles just beneath the surface of my skin, pushing to be free. It tears through my mind as well, a haunting, blinding torment, riddled with self-doubt, nightmares, and an emptyness, the lack of Her deeply felt. Oh how I desperately want to help, how I desperately NEED to be sure I am. My friends say I am being used, and I am inclined to agree, but at this point, there is little to be done for it. I am too far in now, to claw myelf out again.

I ripped through the priest's refuge, while he was off doing whatever it is that occupies him so thoroughly these days. I found nothing, nothing at all that could lead me to the truth. There was a chest there, locked, and I hammered upon it with a shovel, trying to break in, but to no avail. I was so angry, so frustrated, that I sliced my hand, and smeared my own blood upon that prescious altar of his, and the gift he gave me and left it hanging where he would find it. It was not a necessary gesture though, because at that moment, he returned, and caught me...red handed...so to speak. It was only by the blessing of Elbahn did I manage to slip past him, his hand reaching for my cloak, only my panic and speed allowed me to escape. I would be dead now if not for that luck.

So my search goes on, and I am driven to find my prize, I MUST find it. The hunger...oh GODS the hunger never ebbs, and no matter how often I try to satiate myself, it comes back in force. I fear one day, the hunger will claim me forever, and I will forget what I once was, and become something...primal, driven only by base instincts.

I pray for strength, but am met only by silence.

Please...let me be doing the right thing.